


Psalm 34

by DenofSweaters (Newtondale)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, I'm Not Ashamed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2013-11-24
Packaged: 2018-01-02 12:41:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Newtondale/pseuds/DenofSweaters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During a storm, Dean cooks for the bunker family</p>
            </blockquote>





	Psalm 34

And so it befell on a wrathful Thursday when the skies shook and the rains fell that five great Warriors of the Earth sought shelter beneath the ground in the realm of the Lettered Men.

And the Righteous Man was preparing a tremendous feast of burritos and beer when the Angel Castiel entered, proclaiming, “mmm, those burritos look almost as good as your bangin slammin booty licious piece of ass.” and the Righteous Man became flustered in his task. 

Sam Winchester, Lucifer's True Vessel, declared in outrage, “do you guys really have to do that in front of us i swear to god urgh do not want.” and the Righteous Man blushed further, seeking refuge in his duties. He found no such haven in the burritos, as Kevin Tran, the Prophet of the Lord, professed “lord have mercy i already have to spend all day staring at a rock-hard artefact from heaven as it is i don't need to see another one” and Charlie Bradbury, the Queen of Moons, wolf whistled without shame.

The kitchen was thus filled with laughter and joy, as the Righteous Man submitted to the mirth and presented his miraculous creation of beef, beans, and vegetables enclosed in lightly grilled flour tortillas to the congregation. 

And lo silence fell as the party feasted, broken only with praises of the Righteous Man. Once their dining concluded, an exchange was once again struck between the comrades regarding upon whom it befell to cleanse the kitchen. The Righteous Man declared “i'll be fucked if i'm doing it, i cooked the damn meal” and his fellows were in agreement. 

Before it was agreed who would perform the great task, Sam Winchester announced “not being funny but we're really letting the place slip, the bathroom is a fucking mess. like i know bodily functions are new to some of the people around this table, not mentioning any names, but this really fucking needs to be addressed.” 

And thus the Angel Castiel cried out in distress “what the fuck dean, you told them?” and the Righteous Man consoled him “sorry hun he cornered me.”

Lo the Angel Castiel was very embarrassed, and hung his head in shame, professing “i'm really fucking sorry but i've never actually had to piss before and it's not like they teach that shit in heaven i swear to god you hairless apes are literally so fucking insensitive.” 

And the Righteous Man corrected “us hairless apes, cas. youre one now too you know my sweet little angel cake.” And upon him befell a mighty glare, and he thought it hella motherfuckin' cute.

**Author's Note:**

> I figure I should at least try to explain myself for this.  
> Basically, I was talking with my sister (who has recently caught up with Supernatural) in the small hours of the morning, and we started talking about headcanons.... in the style of the Bible. She asked me to write this for her, and I couldn't resist.  
> I'm not proud, but there you go.


End file.
